The Lighter Side of JzB

Here you will find photos, poetry, and possibly some light-hearted foolishness. For the Heavier Side
of JzB see my other blog, Retirement Blues. (There be dragons!)

I claim copyright and reserve all rights for my original material of every type and genre.


Every day visits*
From Moose, Goose, and Orb Weaver
All seized by Haiku

"Why moose and goose?" you may ask. Back on 2/04/13 Pirate wrote a haiku with an elk in it, and I responded with
one with a moose and then included him every day. A few days later in comments Mystic asked "Where's the goose?"
So I started including her with this post on 2/07. A week later on the 14th, Mark Readfern
asked for and received a spider. The rest is history.

*Well, most days, anyway. Grant me a bit of poetic license.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Carpe Diem "Little Creatures" #6, Lizard

Today's challenge is to write a haiku in 5-7-5 form about a lizard.

I like working in the structured format.  Here's version 1.

patient orb weaver
waits for the next fat insect
then comes the lizard

Best laid plans of mice and spiders.   But the last line too closely echoes my apple haiku, and I don't want to get into a rut. Plus, "fat" is superfluous - it's just in there to hit the syllable count.

Then I remembered first-third line interchangeability, so I wanted to bring that into it.

spider's epiphany
as then next insect arrives
the lizard is pleased

Lizard might be pleased, but I'm not.  Spider's epiphany is a reach too far, and somehow this just doesn't sit right.

trapped insect panics
in orb weaver's silken threads
lizard licks his lips

Well, that's better, I think.  Not good, perhaps, but better.

Carpe Diem "Little Creatures" #6, Lizard


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6 comments:

  1. brudbergSeptember 25, 2014 at 4:10 PM

    wonderful... I like the thinking process.. I must have missed the 575... hmm

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 25, 2014 at 9:24 PM

    I love that you've allowed us to crawl around inside your brain. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. JaniceSeptember 25, 2014 at 11:36 PM

    Well, ya done good, Bumpa.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Bastet's Waka LibrarySeptember 26, 2014 at 12:51 AM

    Hmmm .. lovely! Like your approach! (And I missed the 5-7-5 of the prompt as well like Bjorn)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Maggie GraceSeptember 26, 2014 at 6:20 PM

    Hungry spider :)

    ReplyDelete

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JzB

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