The Lighter Side of JzB

Here you will find photos, poetry, and possibly some light-hearted foolishness. For the Heavier Side
of JzB see my other blog, Retirement Blues. (There be dragons!)

I claim copyright and reserve all rights for my original material of every type and genre.


Every day visits*
From Moose, Goose, and Orb Weaver
All seized by Haiku

"Why moose and goose?" you may ask. Back on 2/04/13 Pirate wrote a haiku with an elk in it, and I responded with
one with a moose and then included him every day. A few days later in comments Mystic asked "Where's the goose?"
So I started including her with this post on 2/07. A week later on the 14th, Mark Readfern
asked for and received a spider. The rest is history.

*Well, most days, anyway. Grant me a bit of poetic license.

Friday, December 14, 2012

The Lure of a Fairie

The challenge from dVerse poets is to cast a poem in second person.  I don't think the examples given quite fill the bill. Herrick's imperative "Gather Ye Rosebuds" is spoken at someone, not having them be the active center of the narrative.  In "City of Orgies" Whitman talks about Manhattan.   Am I picking too fine a nit?

An optional part of the request is to recast an original poem into 2nd person. I've done that here with a Five Sentence flash fiction story, which is really only a half step removed from poetry, anyway


THE LURE OF A FAIRIE

The Park draws you
It's so peaceful
Comforting at dusk

Among the trees
You see a glowing cloud
Fireflies perhaps

Curious you approach
Among the trees
Suddenly full dark

The world slips
And you see her
Amid the glow

A queen in her court
A legion of tiny glowing
Female figures

And her face
So strange and lovely
She turns

Her gaze on you
Moss green eyes
Turn emerald glowing

Choosing you
She beckons
And you come

~  ~  ~  ~  ~
 
I'm less than delighted with the result.  Maybe I forced something into the wrong shape.  Feel free to crit.
Posted by at
Labels:

13 comments:

  1. DaydreamertooDecember 14, 2012 at 2:16 PM

    I like it whether it fits the bill, or not :) She sounds interesting to me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. dragyonflyDecember 14, 2012 at 4:03 PM

    I, for one, enjoyed your yuse of you...parts of speech were never my thing, and i say who cares as long as you get your point across!! Love the fairy front...anything fairy gets my love...

    ReplyDelete
  3. MaryDecember 14, 2012 at 4:21 PM

    This is a very magical write! I liked the second person form for this. It drew me right into the poem!

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousDecember 14, 2012 at 4:23 PM

    I think it works quite well. The short lines, and rhythms have the quality of old-time tale - it's very nice. k.

    ReplyDelete
  5. VictoriaDecember 14, 2012 at 5:09 PM

    I agree that the second person works so well for this. Has a magical quality about it. Thanks for sharing. I'll take another look at the poems I chose as an example. The ones I first wanted are protected by copyright laws. I feel more poets in our age do employ 2nd person. Thanks for the observation.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Brian MillerDecember 14, 2012 at 6:12 PM

    nice...there is a little magic to this....faeries again, nice..and the green...i like the fireflies too and it drew us right in...

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sabio LantzDecember 14, 2012 at 7:15 PM

    Fun.
    I have never read more of fairies until I started reading poetry blogs.
    Actually, I have never hear much at all about them.
    Well, except on Peter Pan.
    But then I am not British -- but you are from the Great Lakes region and I am from Cleveland. Where the heck did you start caring about fairies?
    And you are a guy, for gosh sakes! What is up with that?

    ReplyDelete
  8. JazzbumpaDecember 14, 2012 at 7:32 PM

    Fabio -

    Well, for one thing, I have 7 granddaughters.

    But it may have started here.
    http://jazzbumpa.blogspot.com/2009/02/fairies-more-historically-important.html

    With a couple of side tracks.

    http://jazzbumpa.blogspot.com/2010/03/what-hell-friday-part-2-free-market.html

    http://jazzbumpa.blogspot.com/2011/10/confidence-fairy.html

    And more recently got onto the current track starting here.

    http://retirementpastels.blogspot.com/2012/10/five-sentence-fiction.html

    Cheers!
    JzB

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sabio LantzDecember 14, 2012 at 7:47 PM

    7 Grandaughters !!!! Wow.
    You are a lucky man. And fairies must therefore abound!
    I see by the links that you are truly into fairies -- you have be estrogenized!
    Smile

    ReplyDelete
  10. RMPDecember 14, 2012 at 8:12 PM

    I was quite content with the examples simply because I know writing in 'you' form is quite tricky. You, however, have accomplished it quite well. "I" was definitely drawn in.

    ReplyDelete
  11. kelvin s.m.December 14, 2012 at 8:58 PM

    ...you've animated a clear scene of how we can be easily lured by fairies around... very mythical and you possess a rich, creative mind to pen all of these here... i enjoyed it a lot... thanks for sharing... smiles...

    ReplyDelete
  12. brudbergDecember 15, 2012 at 5:17 AM

    Very nice one JxB, the fairies are not just sweet and inocent.
    I think that taking a piece of fiction or poetry and modifying it is very good. After all poetry can be storytelling as well.

    Björn

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousJanuary 4, 2013 at 2:33 PM

    You drew me in from the start --- I am mesmerized by fairies!! However, I only want dealings with the friendly type!! :)

    ReplyDelete

This is a fun blog. Light-hearted banter is welcome. Snark is not. If you want to fight, find my other blog.

Play nice, and we'll all have fun.

I like to return visit, when I can - but I need to find you. If you have multiple blogs, please leave a direct link to the appropriate post.

Cheers!
JzB

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)